In the News: Paula Dean, Whole Foods, and Strip (club) Steaks

I’m a dork and read The New York Times. Yes, unlike many I don’t get my news from AOL headlines of E! entertainment TV ALL the time. (sometimes I get it from perezhilton.com…) Some people might now take my blog seriously since I do read the Times, but really ya'l lare just assholes for having that logic. It only means I like to be kept up to date on issues, not that I am a genius or want to have martinis at the club with you. Today it seemed that cooking and food was all over the internet front page of the American wannabe “newspaper”, so why not comment on it?


Paula Dean is my hero. It’s not just that she came from nothing or that she adores butter just as much as I do, it’s that she has the most positive attitude I have ever seen. Now, I HATE Racheal Ray’s fake orgasm “mmm” face she gives when she tastes her food, but I love Paula’s “This is fuckin’ awesome, ya’ll” face when she tastes her food. Paula knows that everything needs to be tasted and somethings will take longer than 30 minutes to make and did I mention the butter and deep frying? She’s feisty, feminine, and fantastic with her southern charm—just as a southern woman should be. And for anyone, critic or The NY Times bringing it up, to say she’s not “southern”, can kiss my big fat buttery grits. Paula has taken the warm and belly filling, as well as family gathering southern hospitality of cooking and made it convenient. And really, does a New Yorker even appreciate the wonders of greens, fried chicken on Sundays, and that butter is fantastic? Unless it’s at a trendy fusion restaurant with a wait of over two hours on a Friday night, I think not.

If you are an Austin local or native or even someone who stops in now and again like much of Hollywood, you understand what Whole Foods really is about. The rest of America sees it as just an up-priced grocery store that sells that trendy “organic” stuff. Now, I’m southern in the east coast where our country started kinda way. I know what it’s like getting produce at farm stands on the side of the road or going to a farmer’s market in downtown DC. I had no idea what a GM food was until my senior year of college when I did a huge PR campaign on them (My group took the neutral stance, basically until someone gets cancer or is horribly deformed, we’re cool with GM foods esp if they take pesticides out of the air, land, and water) and after that… I started shopping organic. It also took me a long time to get on the organic bandwagon because dirty hippies liked organic and I hate dirty hippies*. Now, I still do organic when the pay check allows me to and it’s not really that much more than regular produce, but my first chance to get it was at Whole Foods. Sure some grocery stores in the DC area had organic, but not that much of it. Austin is FILLED with it and local farmers and all that jazz. I like supporting Austin businesses not because everyone is about it but because the local businesses rock. They have great products and are super friendly. I go to The Hideout rather than Starbucks at work because I like the Hideout for NOT being Starbucks. And Whole Foods is just that. It might have it’s own “corporate” look and seem like it’s being conformed to society, but how many restaurants in Austin can you name, outside of BBQ ones, where you stand around due to the place not having tables and eat off paper plates with your hands? Whole foods is amazing. You get locally grown goods to support your community, great wine from all over the world, an amazing meat counter with anything you can think of, fantastic cheeses and fresh Seafood, PLUS all the pre-made food that is awesome. It takes the old way of shopping store by store—baker, deli, meat market, cheese shop—and puts it all in one store and you are still supporting the community and not getting chemicals all up in you. So back the fuck off.

I also love the female body and I love steak. So, I’d go here. But I am also a tiny bit of a misogynist so I might end up hating every woman working there. There is a fine line between sexy and wanting good wine poured on your toes. And while I love a good strip tease as the next person, labia and steak might not mix for me. But still, if I find myself in NY, I might just have to head down for a lapdance, some female company, and a good ole steak. Actually, I take that all back. I would take my boyfriend there on March 14th if I could for Steak and BJ day, and NO those girls would not be giving the BJ!





* I don’t actually hate hippies at all. I love hippies of all sort, clean and dirty. Some good friends are even hippies. I actually only hate the dirty hippies who live above me and like to stomp around at midnight or take a shower early in the morning or do their laundry for hours on end—which actually means they are clean hippies, but it’s more fun to call them dirty hippies when one is a librarian doing yoga on her porch… ok. So no, “how do you hate hippies?!” emails.